Ghosts
by Nightstar Phoenix
Summary: After Clara dives into the Time Stream, The Doctor races against the universe itself to save his Impossible Girl. However, this particular battle will not be without its scars. (takes place during and after "Name of the Doctor")
1. How To Save a Life (The Impossible Girl)

_I don't know where I am._

_I am everywhere. And nowhere. And somewhere, twice, three times, four._

_I am dying._

_And living._

_And flying._

_And falling._

_And coming apart at the seams._

_Yes, that is it. I am coming apart. I am splitting atom by atom. I don't know if I have atoms. I don't know where I am._

_I know who I am, though. That is something. Something to cling on to. Everything. Or maybe nothing. But it is me._

_I am the Impossible Girl. I was born to save the Doctor._

_But I can't. I'm spinning out of control, I'm falling, I'm dying, I'm spinning, I'm blowing in the wind of everything and I don't know where I'm going. I don't know where I am._

_But I'm not alone._

_I suddenly realize this and it shocks me. I don't know why. Where am I? Who are you? Who am I? My name... My name is..._

_I don't know. I'm the Impossible Girl. I have a name._

_And this other person, this other consciousness forced into the Vortex where it doesn't belong just like me. I don't know you. I don't know me. I don't belong here I don't belong here I don't know where I am._

_Can you help me?_

_I can't find my memories. They are scattered like leaves in the Autumn day. I have seen so many Autumns. And none. Or none. I don't know where I am._

_And I am exploding, erupting, scattering, being unwoven and tossed about Time and I am dying._

_Help me._

_I need to save the Doctor._

_And then for a moment I am her and she is me. She shares her memories and helps me find mine. And she holds me together._

_I remember now. I am Clara. I am Clara Oswin Oswald. I am The Impossible Girl, the Doctor's Impossible Girl._

_And she is the Bad Wolf. She spread her name accross the universe and she can see Time._

_And she is Rose. She is Rose Tyler and she is afraid, so afraid the she will loose her Doctor._

_I can help you. We can save the Doctor. The Bad Wolf and the Impossible Girl._

_And then I am rising. I am flying and twirling and I catch the breeze and glide._

Clara Oswin Oswald, London, 1892. I am falling from the sky. I die.

_I don't know where I am. I just know I'm running._

Clara Oswin Oswald, New Earth, the year five billion and fifty three. I die on the Roadway.

_I am everywhere. I am born and I live and I die._

Clara Oswin Oswald, 1942. I die in Manhattan.

_Sometimes it's like I've lived a thousand lives in a thousand places._

Clara Oswin Oswald, born on Venus, died in the Dalek Asylum.

_The Doctor. Always there is the Doctor. Always I'm running to save the Doctor again and again and again. Most times he can't see me. He doesn't hear me. But I've always been there. But I always save him._

_There are times he does hear me._

A snowy alley in Victorian England. He stops to listen.

A Prison of Prisons on a planet filled with Daleks. I call out with music. He stops to listen.

_And wherever I can I write two words, two words for Rose. Two words that mean hope and life and the end of everything and the beginning of everything. Two words that mean nothing, except to the Doctor and Rose._

_Bad Wolf._

Bad Wolf, graffiti on an alley wall with my young friends.

Bad Wolf, the name of a missile, suggested by the mechanic's young daughter.

Bad Wolf, spray-painted onto a police box by the boy I am watching over. ("Run you clever boy, and clean your mess up for this nice man. I'll tell your father on you if you don't.")

Bad Wolf, a huge letters in chalk on the pavement.

Bad Wolf, words that appear on the screen of a Telly because a total screaming genius hacked in to send a message to the Doctor.

To save the Doctor.

_Go, Rose. Go save the Doctor._

_And then she is gone._

_I am the Impossible Girl. I was born to save the Doctor._

_I don't know where I am._

_I don't know where I'm going or where I've been._

_I was born to save the Doctor, but the Doctor is safe now._

_I'm the Impossible Girl, and my story is done._

_But I live._

_I keep living._

_I'm still going. I'm still running._

_I'm still alive._

_And for the heck of it..._

... One more adventure


	2. Ghosts

A/N: Headcanon time! So after watching "Name of the Doctor" my sister and I wondered if there would be Eleventh Doctor echoes running around trying to save Clara. This is what came of it. Not purposefully Whouffle, but it's up to interpretation.

Disclaimer: I own zilch. Most of the dialogue is word for word from the episode, "The Name of the Doctor."

* * *

"Now, if I don't come back– and I might not–"

"Doctor!" River cries, knowing that she can't be heard. Thinking.

"-go to the TARDIS. The fast return protocols should be on, she'll take you home, then shut herself down."

River steps toward me, angry and worried. "There has to be another way. Use the TARDIS, use something. Save her, yes, but for goodness sake be sensible!"

She raises her hand to slap me, but I catch her hand.

Her expression shifts to one of utter shock. "How are you even doing that? I'm not really here."

"You are always here, to me," I say. "And I always listen and I can always see you."

"Then why didn't you speak to me? she asks.

"I thought it would hurt too much," I answer.

"I believed I could have coped!" She says, exasperated.

"No. I thought it would hurt _me_," I clarify. "And I was right." But I pull her into a kiss. "Since nobody else in this room can see you, who knows how that looked." I say to no one in particular.

"There is a time to live and a time to sleep," I say. "You are an echo, River. Like Clara. Like all of us, in the end. My fault, I know, but you should have faded by now."

"It's hard to leave when you haven't said goodbye," she notes.

"Then tell me, because I don't know–" I choke. "How do I say it?"

"There's only one way I would accept," River says. "If you ever loved me... Say it like you're coming back."

"Well, then..." I take a step back, trying to be naunchelaunt while bot my hearts are bursting inside, "See you around, Proffessor River Song."

She smiles. "Till the next time, Doctor."

"Don't wait up." Are there things I wanted to say? Yes. I can't remember one of them for the life of me. So this is what Clara was talking about, when I asked her to come in the TARDIS. You're asked what your favorite book is and suddenly can't remember a single book you've ever read.

"Oh," River says. "There's one more thing."

"Isn't there always?" I smile.

"I was mentally linked with Clara," River points out. "If she's really dead, then how can I still be here?"

"Okay," I'm following, "How?"

"Spoilers," she says one last time. "Goodbye, Sweetie."

And I watch River Song disappear, the last time I will ever see her smile.

I turn around, take a deep breath, and step into the time stream. Geronimo.

_I am the Doctor._

_I am over two thousand years old. _

_I am a Time Lord of the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kastorboros. _

_If I can remember who I am, maybe I can save my Impossible Girl._

_I'm whirling trough the Vortex like a missile, struggling to stay together. Clara is everywhere, everywhen. My Clara, scattered through time and space. And it's all my fault._

_She has no control of her echoes. They are born, they live, they die, they never remember being Clara._

_I have echoes too. I appear, race after her, race against time itself to save her._

_And every time I am too late._

_She is already gone. Already gone. I never even knew she was there then, and she died while my back was turned. Gone. Gone. Gone._

_My fault._

_I watch her die a thousand times. I watch myself not notice, a million times. _

_My fault._

_But I can find My Clara. Can I find My Clara? She should be dead, shattered into a million peices. A whole universe of Clara Oswalds and mine is gone forever. _

_All my fault._

_Again._

_Every time._

_I could have done something _then_, but I didn't know. And _then_. And _then_. And Trenzalore. I should have done something then, I shouldn't have even let this happen._

_I am the Doctor and I have failed._

_The pure despair seeps through the energy around me, with no words to describe the shockwave. I can't. I couldn't. _

_All my fault. _

_Always my fault._

_I can feel her presence all round me, but there's not enough of her for her to breathe, to feel, to grab my hand and run. I have never been closer but I have never been so far._

_Clara, I'm sorry_

_I am so so sorry_

_It's my fault_

_And suddenly I realize we're not alone._

_We're not the only ones in the Time Vortex._

_I remember. Of course. Clara isn't the first to throw herself to Time for me._

_And the Bad Wolf is here, too. My Rose. Rose and Clara, the Bad Wolf and the Impossible Girl, I never really lost them._

_There is a way to bring Clara back._

_We pull scattered bits of matter from the universe, we bind them together, build an island in the sea of time. It will not hold together long, but it might last just long enough..._

"Doctor?"

_The heart of my Time Stream. I'm not sure what to do now._

"Doctor!"

_That's Clara. That's Clara's voice._

_That's Clara._

_That's _my_ Clara._

_She's alive, she held together, she made it. Clara Oswin Oswald, my Impossible Girl. _

She curls up in a ball, terrified. "Please! Please, I don't know where I am!"

_"Clara."_

She lifts her head up.

_"You can hear me, I know you can."_

"I can't see you," she says.

_"I'm everywhere. You're inside my Time Stream. Everything you see around you is me."_

"I can see you," she corrects. "All of your different faces, they're here."

_"Those are my ghosts. My past. Every good day, every bad day."_

_The land beneath Clara rumbles. The Time Stream is collapsing. We can't hold it for long._

"What's wrong?" Clara asks, "What's happening?"

_"I'm inside my own Time Stream, it's collapsing in on itself."_

"Well, get out then!" Clara says.

_"Not until I've got you." I can fix this._

"I don't even know who I am!" _She's breaking again. Hold on Clara, hold on._

_Mid her consciousness stays together, maybe I can come to her. We can leave together. Hold on, Clara._

_"You're my Impossible Girl. I'm sending you something - not from my past, from yours. Look up. Look."_

She looks up. A red autumn leaf flutters from the heavens.

_"This is you, Clara. Everything you were or will be. Take it."  
_

She catches the leaf out of the air.

_"You blew into the world on this leaf. Hold tight. It will take you home"_

Clara stumbles along the path. _She is focusing in the leaf. I am focusing too. _

_Clara, Clara, Here I am, Clara! _"Clara! Clara! Come on!"_  
_

She whirls around and catches sight of me.

I smile encouragingly. "Come on, to me, now. You can do it, I know you can."

"How?"

"Because it's impossible," I say, " And you're my Impossible Girl."

She begins to approach, slowly.

I keep going. "How many times have you saved me, Clara? Just this once, just for the heck of it, let me save you!" _Just this once. That's all I need. Just once. Please._ "You have to trust me, Clara. I'm real. Just one more step."

Slowly and surely, she comes nearer. Finally near enough. I pull her into a hug, holding her close. How far we both have come for this moment. "Clara. My Clara." I place a kiss on her head. Clara is alive, she is here and she is safe and she is with me.

And then over her shoulder I see him.

I know that face.

I was that face.

"Who's that?" Clara asks.

"Never mind, let's go back," I urge her.

"But who is he?" she insists.

"He's me. There's only me here, that's the point. Now let's go back."

"But I never saw that one," she says. "I saw all of you. Eleven faces, all of them you. You're the eleventh Doctor."

Of course. The Time War was locked, closed off to her. Not even the Impossible Girl could save me from that. "I said he was me. I never said he was the Doctor."

"I don't understand."

I slap my palm to my forehead. "Look, my name, my real name, that is not the point. The name I chose is the Doctor. The name you choose, it's like a promise you make. He's the one who broke that promise."

Clara stumbles, loosing consciousness, falling against me. "Clara? Clara! Clara!" I lift her into my arms. We have to leave, now. My eyes fall again to the figure. "He is my secret," I say, though I don't think she can hear me.

"What I did, I did without choice," he says.

"I know."

"In the name of peace and sanity."

"But not," I growl, "in the name of the Doctor."

I turn my back on him, walking away, my Companion in my arms. You'll be safe soon, Clara.

_The land dissolves, matter dissolves around us. But I have Clara._

_Bad Wolf, take us home._

We materialize in the TARDIS. The ship wakes slowly, humming her greeting. She had already taken Vastra, Jenny, and Stax home. I set Clara down gently in the jump seat, and turn to pilot the TARDIS. Time to take Clara home, too– for a little while.


	3. Falling

A/N: Unlike the previous two chapters, this chapter is new material for those of you who have read the one-shots before.

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or the characters. If I did, we'd have an episode in between "Name of the Doctor" and "Day of the Doctor" probably titled "Clara Alone." But I digress.

* * *

Clara shoots up in her bed, sweating profusely, crying out in gasping breaths. She tries to blink the darkness out of her eyes, tried to quench her sobs, tried to remember where she is. She is dead, she died, she died again–

She pulls her knees to her chest and hugs her shoulders, shaking. She tries to steady herself. It's all under control, Clara, she tells herself. You've got this. You've got this.

Her eyes have adjusted to the dark. She is fine. She is safe. She is in her own room at the Maitland home. She realizes she is rocking back and forth, and stops herself. She closes her eyes tightly and takes a deep breath. And another. And another. But she can't push from her mind what she just went through. Her deep breaths crack back into sobs again.

It was a dream, she tells herself. It was only a dream. But she can't tell herself that it wasn't real.

Because it was. She had fallen, fallen from the sky with no way to change her coarse, no way to be in control, just falling helplessly. Falling from the TARDIS, the one place she thought, she felt, she knew, was safe, was home. And even so she was ripped from it and thrown to the hard, cold, painful earth. Helpless as her body crushed itself on impact with the icy ground, helpless as she lay fading away.

But at least this time he had been there. The Doctor had been there, holding her hand. He held her hand and said it would be alright. She didn't believe him. She told him to run. But he stayed and held her hand as she forgot how to breathe, as she–

Clara buried her face in her knees and wailed.

The Maitlands say nothing, but Clara knows they can tell something is wrong.

The first few nights they had been concerned– not that they aren't now, but as Clara had refused to talk about it, they had stopped asking. Mr. Maitland says nothing as he helps Clara set the table for breakfast before heading off to work. Angie says nothing, but looks at Clara funny, like she was confusing. Artie says nothing, but looks at Clara with pity in his eyes, wanting to help yet not wanting to intrude.

"Maybe you need to see your family," Mr. Maitland had suggested. As if Clara's family would be able to help. As if they could begin to understand what she had done to herself. She had been unwoven and burst and scattered through time and space like so much sand in a pool, and at night she can't keep out the pain. At night she can't stop herself dying, dying over and over in a hundred thousand ways. At night she is helpless.

She says nothing.

If her eyes were glass they would have a crack in them, like a broken mirror. A bulb flickering off and on. Only sometimes does her smile match her eyes. Much of the time her eyes are fogged up with thoughts, clouded with the breath of lives she shouldn't have known.

She shakes her head. She is staring out the window of her bedroom, out at the neighborhood, out at the nothingness beyond. She is slipping. She has to get a grip. She has to get a grip on something, or she'll fall again.

Falling is terrible. Those who say it's like flying, they're lying, they are lies. Flying you have control, you have the freedom to change your direction. Falling, you are in the arms of gravity, and gravity is a cruel mistress to those who start off in the sky.

Clara trembles. She screws up her eyes and counts. She heard it worked for some. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, eleven, eleven, eleven... She trembles again. She bites her lower lip. Keep it together.

Eleven.

She let out a sob. She didn't want to bother him. He had better things to do, worlds to save, she had seen that over and over. Over and over while his back was turned she toppled and fell and– and the one time he turned round he'd held her hand. He'd held her hand as they ran, as they fell, as she...

Clara Oswald reaches for her mobile phone. She begins to dial the best helpline in the universe.

She had told the Maitlands she was going home. They assumed it was to her family, her dad and her gran.

Artie had looked up at her with his big eyes. "But why do you have to go?"

Clara had hugged him one last time. "I need a breather, is all. I'll see you again soon, okay?"

She had them drop her off at the train station. She wasn't waiting for a train. And she knew exactly where she was going. She was waiting for a police box and she was going home.

She stares at the gray English sky. It is full and bleak like a haze of smoke, like her eyes. She stares and stares at the sky, sometimes at the sky, sometimes at nothing, sometimes at the stars she knows are there somewhere.

The grinding sound startles her, the deep wheezing groaning of the TARDIS materializing. She jumps. Then some instinctual memory reawakens and she runs to the blue box, her safety. She has nothing to run from but she runs. Or maybe she is running from everything.

And the door opens and there is the Doctor. There he is with his bow tie and his big sad eyes and his arms open and she runs to him. He holds her in his arms and Clara buries herself in the only thing she can know is safe anymore.

And she sobs.

She told herself she wouldn't, she told herself she would be strong and cool and collected and she failed, she failed that too. Now she is weeping into the Doctor's shoulder.

He shifts uneasily, as though he doesn't quite know how to react. He just adjusts his grip on his Companion and hugs her tighter, resting his chin on the top of her head. He doesn't know what to say. So he just stands there feeling useless and helpless as his Companion breaks down.

It feels like a long time before Clara pulls herself together. She takes a deep breath, then a second, then a seventh. Then she sighs, relaxing her tense muscles. She is safe now. She is safe now. The Doctor is here.

"I need you" was all she had said over the phone. That was all she would say. He feeels completely unprepared. He hadn't known if there was some threat or just something she needed to say. He came anyway. Clara needed him, and he came. Clara squeezes tighter the arms she had wrapped around her Doctor. He wasn't going to walk away, he wasn't going to run past without a second glance,he wasn't going to turn his back on her, he was here.

"Thank you," she pushes from her lungs through her wet mouth. She has tears in her eyes. She clings to him and doesn't let go.

"It's okay now," he manages. "It's okay, I've got you, it's okay."

It's okay, she tells herself. But she isn't sure if she believes it yet. The last nightmare she had she was taken from the TARDIS itself, from within her home out into the frozen air and thrown to the frozen earth and he couldn't save her, he held her hand but he was too late, he wasn't fast enough to catch her as she fell and fell and fell–

"It's okay, Clara," he says again, frantically. Clara realizes she has begun to tremble again, she was lost in thought again.

"My Clara," he moves his hand to cradle the back of her head.

All my fault.


End file.
